This year, there were some moments I had a hard time finding things to be grateful for. I have had depression most of my adult life. I work really hard to keep it at a manageable level. These last 9 months have definitely brought a lot of those feelings straight to the forefront. I am thankful for a strong community that lets me vent and re-focus so the thoughts don’t become overwhelming.
Some days, where work and kids and loneliness are so all encompassing, I don’t remember the good things in life. I forget to be in the moment. I have come to realize that much of my happiness comes from planning out the future. Not what I am doing right now. It’s like, I will be happy when……. When I travel, when I am able to get a house, when I am thinner, when I am married, when my kids are older….. when….
The pandemic has me thinking that it’s not a great way to live, because the only real time you have is right now. Who knows when we are going to travel again. Who knows when I will have a house. I want to enjoy my kids right now. My focus has been so much on the future, and how to get there. I forgot to look for what is great right in front of me. I thought that life was kicking my feet out from under me, and it was devistating.
Last week, I sent my son to stay with his best friend for a couple of weeks. I went the opposite direction for a few days. It might be the catalyst for my thought shift. I haven’t been away from both of my kids for more than a couple of nights. At first, I thought that I would be freaking out. Of course, I have some nervousness. Especially not having control of the surroundings the kids might be in while I’m not with them.
Once the nervousness went away, I started to enjoy myself. Being able to have a friend with me, who was constantly pointing out the current things we were up to and how grateful she was to have each experience, showed me how one can be in the moment and see the beauty. As the week went along, I could feel myself lightening up. I could really release the worry and start to see the fun.
When I got home, the tension came right back. I felt tired, I wanted to sleep and I felt like I was getting sick. Then, I remembered to look at things the same as I did while I was on vacation. Sure enough, the tension went away again. I was smiling in the face of some serious uncertain things, and rolling with it. I was able to maintain inner peace by seeing that this is just something I can’t change. If I can’t change it, I need to find what good can come from it, and move on.
Today is a good day. I can find something in anything to make it a good day.
This year has been a challenge for most of us. It seems just about everyone has had some sort of issue this year. I have been so focused on all of the things I’ve missed out on, and it caused me to lose sight of the things I could create.
September 6th I had my 43rd birthday, and weighed in at 203 pounds, my heaviest weight ever. With a family history of obesity, heart disease and cancer, I got worried. I started the year out with a trainer, working out and hitting the gym 4-5 days a week. When March 15th hit and everything closed, I stopped making progress. My mindset was, “If I was able to workout at home, I wouldn’t have gotten a gym membership.” That caused a mental wall to build up and I just sat.
When I saw the scale, it didn’t really cause me to take action. It honestly just made me sad, and in turn I started to sit and get more depressed. I knew I needed something to get my mind right and it would get me into action. So, I set up an appointment with a friend who is also a business and health coach. Once we started talking, I remembered my ‘WHY’. I have a big future to live into, and need to take the steps to get there. Even if the steps are tiny.
Right after our appointment, I signed up for 2 courses. The first was a 10-day challenge with Grant Cardone. This worked on the grit and the determination factors. It is mostly focused on business, and it makes a difference in any area you want to apply it to.
The second course was a 3-day course with Matthew Hussey that focuses on Loving your Life. It helped me start to see the logical brain I use sometimes needs that emotional brain’s support when making things happen. My logic is “this is going to be a long road” where the emotional brain was “this is too hard and overwhelming.” I realized I can shift those by the logical brain saying, “this can be done one action at a time,” with the emotional brain saying, “I am okay with choosing this kind of hard.”
Between those 2 courses over the last 30 days, I see more clearly where my setbacks and obstacles have made it so I can focus on the goals I have set for myself. I know that there will be “growing pains”, and that it’s totally okay. I can already see how much of a difference this year will have on my life and my family, in a really great way. I can now understand that I will get there. It’s amazing how much better I feel, and we still have 9.5 weeks to go!
Let’s get out there and make 2020 the best year we’ve ever had! It is going to be beautiful standing at the top of that first peak heading up to the next one.
Angel’s Rest 1/2 way point. Columbia River, Oregon Completed 10/11/2020
There was a challenge on our writing community to describe your favorite book or type of books. I will do that during the progression of this blog post.
I have 15 days until the end of the leadership course I am participating in. It’s almost a little sad for me, because I love how my life is while I participate in this work. At the same time, I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to be able to coach amazing human beings through the areas that normally stop them. I have needed to have my coach take me through some of those areas too, and it is so empowering to use the tools to really re-invent any area of my life, even when I am in total breakdown.
Instead of coasting through to the end of this program, I am going to be pushing myself to become someone I have never experienced myself to be. How am I going to accomplish it? By being vulnerable, asking for help, and sharing myself in a way I never ave before. My coach asked me if I had been doing my daily videos still, and I haven’t. I thought that it wasn’t necessary, and the last time I posted one, I thought I had made a fool of myself and took it down.
There is something I have about being emotional and sensitive. I have had to appear strong and independent for survival. To make sure the people I thought hurt me the most wouldn’t be able to do it again. I have noticed that I have had more pain and sleepless nights when I try and keep it to myself than when I share it and have the people in my community remind me who I am and push me back into action. So, I am going to create a video every day until the end of the program.
The context of the videos will be 2-fold. The first part will be the area that day i am focused on transforming. Any area I have a loss of power, freedom, self-expression or peace of mind, I will look at where I can restore it and then find new actions to take. The 2nd part will be to acknowledge the person (people) who has helped me grow in that area, who I am sharing with and how I can use support. I have a vision of creating the village I have had here in Vancouver/Portland. I want us to have one another to lean on and build on each other’s dreams.
The build one another’s dreams is where my books come in. The types of books I enjoy reading are either for growth or for creativity. The books for growth are either self-improvement or growth and development. I have been in sales related jobs for quite a while, and started bringing that type of reading in about 5 years ago. It helps me get in the mindset to take new actions and build on the things I am learning inside the Landmark courses. It also gives me access to successful people without ever meeting them. Learning the ways successful people live and their habits to make their lives work is what has me go back to these books over and over again.
The creative books are most of the time fantasy or fiction where the characters need to overcome a major obstacle. I read many of the books that go to movie before watching the movie. I would rather see how far my imagination can stretch me and where I can take the story before watching the on-screen version and having a pre-conceived idea of what the writer was trying to create. It was where I had a n escape as a young person, and where I tend to turn if I get into overwhelm and want to relax. I end up being more creative and expressed after reading a good story.
Challenge Areas: I am continuing to write each day, even when I want to go to sleep, Fitness (did not work out today), Water (also did not stick to my plan), I was able to acknowledge an amazing nurse at a partner community today. I did it in front of her staff so they were able to see the importance of showing appreciation to those who support you. the area of life I focused on today is BEING RESIGNED. I get into this mindset of “it can’t get any better, so why even try.” Today I used the restoration of power exercise we get in this program, and then went into action to make a difference for other people. I saw that I can listen to people in a way that builds them up, and I can give back so they are able to become the powerful leaders they really want to be.
I am out to see how good this life can be, and how to pass that on to others.
I am taking a short break from the health journal to write all of you today about the last few weeks’ events. It has really shifted something inside me, and I will never be the same. It’s thanks to all of you.
Have you heard the saying, “It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey?” That is exactly what happened over the past few weeks for me. It was never about the date! It was about me getting out of my own way and making a difference for someone I never thought I could be able to contact, let alone ask out on a date.
I believe I am the type of person who treats anyone with the same respect and dignity. I can have a conversation with anyone. It doesn’t matter if they live on the street or in a multi-million dollar home. I can see someone for who they were created to be, even when they have forgotten themselves. That’s why people who know me didn’t understand why this was such a big deal…..
The idea all started inside the program I am participating in through Landmark Worldwide, called the Self-Expression and Leadership Program (SELP). We take an area we are interested in, passionate about, concerned with, etc. and create a community project to bring our local community together in service of that area. My project is called Financing Future Leaders. It is designed to bring community leaders or mentors into the High Schools on a volunteer basis to teach Finance Literacy.
During one of our classes in the SELP, we started talking about UNREASONABLE REQUESTS. Something that is BOLD and outside your comfort zone. We were asked to think of people you wouldn’t normally ask for help OR things you normally wouldn’t ask for. I have been asking people for help/volunteers/donations/time/services for over 3 years, and I don’t have to push myself to make unreasonable requests. So, that’s when my coach and I started looking at other areas.
The only thing I could see I am afraid of is dating…….
In order for you to get the whole picture, I need to back up a little. I was married for 14 years, the last 3 years of which, my husband lived with another woman, and I bounced around trying to push aside my feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. I had created a wall so high and so thick that NO ONE could ever touch my heart. I was guarded, distrustful and really really resigned. It caused me to isolate from anyone who might be able to hurt me.
Then, in 2013, I took on my life through doing the Forum. All I wanted was to be able to trust people again. I felt alone, even with so many people around who cared about me. After that, I was able to create my business, my community involvement, build friendships again and regain the trust in people I had lost. The kids’ dad and I divorced 2 years ago without it becoming about us. Even the judge commended us on being so civil (never would have been possible before).
The only thing that still was in the way was that I was “going to take care of myself” and “I don’t need a man’s help with anything.” I had it that I still needed to prove to the kids’ dad that I didn’t need him for ANYTHING. No child support. No help with cars or yard or ANYTHING. I made up the story that if I didn’t need him, then I didn’t need any man to help me. By doing that, I alienated the rest of the amazing men in my life. I am very lucky I am surrounded by strong men who knew why I was the way I was, and stuck through the last few years. They have been those shining examples both my kids and I can look up to. Men I want my son to grow up learning from, and ones I hope my daughter will look to as examples of honorable men with integrity.
Fast forward to March 23rd of this year…..
When I was asked to look at the area that scared me, I realized that I had to face this fear of being hurt. I knew it would be something my mind would see as danger and try and put me into survival mode (which did happen a few times…. thanks to my coaches, I didn’t stay there). I thought of who, if anyone in the world, would I like to go out with. It was immediately Jonathan Scott. Why would I choose him? Not only is he a great TV personality, but he reminds me of where my life is headed. A business that keeps me traveling, and working directly with people is what I’m building up to in the next few years. He is funny and smart, family is first, and is being someone who’s making an impact on people’s lives.
1st Twitter post
2nd Facebook post
So, I started reaching out to people who I thought might know him. One of my friends sent me to his Twitter, and I sent a request there. Another friend sent me his Facebook, and I sent a request there also, no response. When my coach called me a couple of days later to talk about my project and to see if I had heard back, she requested I re-send my Facebook request. (www.facebook.com/MrSilverScott/posts/1251250051571723) This time I tagged the people I know are already leaders in the community and asked them to comment on who they know me to be. This is where I started to see myself with new perspective. Through YOUR SHARING, I got to see who I am to all of you!
At that point, I really didn’t care if he ever responded. I was floored and inspired by the people I have surrounding me! It also created a series of questions from my friends to explain what I was doing this for (in a super positive way), and I was able to share my secret fear with a lot of my closest friends. I found out, through this inquiry, that both Drew and Jonathan Scott would be in Seattle. I figured that would be the best time to ask in person if I didn’t hear back.
A week before they are to arrive, I still had not heard anything. I was coached to make a video. I procrastinated……. What would I say? How could I explain in less than a minute? Who would really see it anyway? I know HE wouldn’t since none of my friends knew him! These thoughts ran through my head until I stopped taking action. Negative thoughts are your worst enemy!
Dan Russell’s book
Kristina @Tier’s cookies
The Friday before they arrive in Seattle, I have lunch with a dear woman who is an amazing pastry artist. Dan Russell gave me a signed copy of his book for each of the brothers (Finish Strong), and it got me thinking of how I could stand out from all the other people who might be there that day. Kristina at Tier was the one I KNEW could do something super creative and noticeable. When she heard my story, she thought of someone ELSE who could help….. and then I got the courage to make the video…. www.facebook.com/andrea.pineda.184/posts/10206087733022255
Snapshot of the video
Snapshot of the video
I got home from that lunch, and made the video that has now been shared in 5+ countries, by 52 people and 10 groups. Every time I log onto Facebook, the number of views has gone up, and as of this blog entry, it’s been viewed over 3,055 times! The video launched Kristina’s friend, Erika, to contact KING 5 News, the radio stations in Seattle and the Costco where I was planning on asking. The assistant there was supposed to find me in line, and I am really glad they didn’t!
I was able to talk to a lady for the hour and a half we waited. She is 82 years old, and loves interior decorating. She came with her caregiver. They thought they would be waiting for less than half an hour, and the time moved to noon instead of 11, so we would have almost 2 hours to wait until it was our turn to have our books signed. This woman told me so many fun stories of growing up on Long Beach, eating at the Beverly Hills Hotel, caring for 2 of our former Presidents, and much more. She told me about her 2 sons, how she ended up moving to the Seattle area, and eventually (at 64-65 years old) meeting the love of her life. She was the highlight of the day for me. When the line started moving, her caregiver pushed her in a borrowed wheelchair from Costco, because she was getting tired and almost went home. She started combing her hair and primping. She leaned over to me and whispered, “I like Jonathan too. He works with his hands and can throw down a wall.” I smiled at her said said, “Do you know that he’s known to give kisses to his fans?” I don’t know it that’s really true, but SHE BLUSHED, then said, “REALLY?” I said, “Yes, you should ask for one.”
Then it was my turn to go up.
I didn’t make them
They had me crakin’ up
The assistant said, “Oh, you’re Andrea!” I said, “yes.” He sent me up, and I couldn’t get much out before they saw the cookies! They started pulling them out and they thanked me. I let them know who had made them, and they told me to thank her also. I gave them Dan Russell’s book, as well as one for each signed from Daniel Fusco. They said, “you went all out.” I said, “well it’s not me, it’s my community.” Drew asked me what I meant, and I told him I had about 7,000 people rooting me on to ask Jonathan on a date. Jonathan, teasingly, roared a little, and said, “meet me in the free samples section at 1:30.” I was then ushered down for the next person.
It just happened to be the little lady I was waiting with.
She asked for a kiss! And they both kissed her on the cheek! It made her day, and maybe gave her a little more life to live. I think that might have made me happier than having the courage to confront my own fears. She was lit up and my heart was bursting for her. Her caregiver was smiling from ear to ear, and then I waited.
The signing went long, and the assistant had told me their schedule was packed (as I figured it would be). They were rushed off, and I wasn’t able to say anything else. But all of you were waiting! I hope I was able to reply to all of the messages, comments and shares. I hope you all know how much you are appreciated. I am a new woman because of you. Thank you for building up my confidence and reminding me of the woman I forgot I was before fear got a grip of me.
Over 5800 people were connected in this. These are the people on groups, who shared, commented, liked and followed along directly in my sharing. THIS DOESN’T INCLUDE ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS who were touched, moved and inspired to encourage me.
The two things that I kept in the car
The hundreds of people who made this happen
If you have a story of courage, feel free to share here AND share at my friend, Brad’s website, #rubberchickenchallenge. www.rubberchickenstories.com
Many of my friend on Facebook were able to walk with me through my daughter, Jaqi’s, birthday. She turned 15, which is a big deal in Central American culture. My former husband, and the father of my children, is from Guatemala. I do my best to raise them understanding that side of their heritage.
As part of her birthday, I had people send in birthday cards to encourage and surprise her. Her birthday was August 22nd, and we still got cards for her last week. I figured they were now done, so I asked her to start writing out Thank You cards to anyone who had sent her a card. It was like pulling teeth!
I can take responsibility in the fact that I have not really spent time showing my kids the etiquette of writing gratitude letters. It was a lot harder than I expected to have her just write a few cards a day in order to make sure they got done. I figured it was common sense just to simply say thank you for the item(s) they sent and a few words of appreciation. What I tend to forget is the day and age we are living is instant. If you aren’t feeling the impact RIGHT NOW, then it doesn’t matter much.
I have been fortunate enough to be taught through parents, mentors and people in the community what it means to look back and thank someone. If we can learn anything from the way it feels to receive thanks is from our Savior himself. In Luke 17:11-17, He was walking toward Jerusalem, and ten men with leprosy met him at a distance. (They couldn’t come close, because they were thought to be unclean) They asked for healing, and he sent them to the priests. They were obedient, and were cleansed as they walked. Only one of those 10 men came back to show Jesus how thankful he was to now be able to return to a normal way of life. They would no longer be outcasts, yet only 1 man saw how important it was. Jesus even asked him where the other 9 were. I could only imagine how it hurt Him to know that these men did not care enough about the gift they were given to go back and give thanks.
How many of us are in the same place as these lepers? It might those people who encourage us all the time in our day to day lives. Many times there are people who give us gifts, cards, flowers or well wishes on birthdays or anniversaries. We might have literally been healed of a disease, and never gone back to the hospital/doctor who saved our lives. How many times do we take our gifts for granted and don’t give thanks?
I have learned a simple trick for letting people know I appreciate them and the things they do for me. I tell them right away. It might sound simple enough, yet, for me, I get so distracted and busy with life. I have great intentions of getting to it. I really do. Then a few day go by. A week is gone. Then a month, and I figure there is no use in doing it now. They probably didn’t expect me to thank them anyway, right?
I also do my best to use the rule, reprimand in private and praise in public. I do as much praise as I possibly can in a public forum or in other people’s hearing range. If I can bring light on the amazing things other people do in my life, I feel better. Even if you think what you’re doing to help me isn’t that important, I want you to know it really is. There is a great quote I love. “Small acts, when multiplied by millions, can transform the world.” -Howard Zinn
If we understand how powerful teaching the next generation this key, it is going to transform the way people see their small acts of kindness. Imagine being thanked every time you opened a door for someone, or when you let someone go ahead of you in line. Imagine what it would be like to get a thank you note for every gift you ever gave someone. Sincere, heartfelt notes of the impact your gift made on them. Words of appreciation for the time, cost and effort that went into what you did for them. If you’re like me, you would end up with art everywhere from years of memories. It might also make you want to do more.
As it is said, “It is more blessed to give than receive.” – Acts 20:35 The reason why you feel good is because of the selfless feeling you get. The moment you know the person can’t give you anything in return other than a humble thanks, yet you have made a difference in their world. There is nothing I have experienced in this life yet that compares with receiving a hug or smile thanking me for reaching out to help. I encourage each of my readers to think of people in your life who really do a lot for you, and thank them. Ask them how you might be able to best show them your appreciation.
Go out during your day and thank your boss for your job. Thank the people who bag your groceries. Thank anyone who gave you a gift for your last birthday, no matter how long ago that might have been. Be sincere. Watch the reaction you get, and think to yourself when the last time that person might have received gratitude.
I want to thank you all for reading my blog. I do not feel worthy to have people from around the world following me. I don’t know why my words have come before you, and I hope I can do my Father’s Spirit justice in my writing. If you want to talk or need some encouragement, please feel free to message me or find me on Facebook. I can’t imagine my life without you all. Thank you.
Stories By Drea 